Tears
I have never cried so many days in a row, in a month, for months on end. Wedding planning and the aftermath has been devastating. We had a 37-person pandemic wedding, complete with masks, gloves, and pettiness. My mother behaved selfishly, my father was aloof, and I got married to the love of my life. My in-laws graciously threw the wedding and had been so supportive of us.
I feel like my entire being has been ripped open and continue to be pulled apart. My family showed their true colors - that their feelings and thoughts were more important than me and how in the world I'd been dealing with this situation. My mother-of-the-bride forgot how to be a mom. My proud father threw a tantrum when we wouldn't let anyone else besides us speak on the day. My brother spat in my face a week before the wedding saying that he didn't give a shit about my feelings and he was going to do whatever he wanted. My sisters were physically there in spirit but not in strength. I have been knocked so far down emotionally by my own family that I don't even know how I'll recover. Today, I have started to accept the fact that I will never get my wedding experience. It was not meant to be, and I will never get the bachelorette weekend as a single lady, never be able to walk down the aisle and have my future husband see me in the dress that I've been waiting to wear my entire life, never dance at my own wedding without any worry.
I did have a wedding. Everyone wore masks and gloves, kept their distance and the temperature of the wedding chilly. My husband and I suffocated through loose custom masks on the dance floor for those few precious minutes we got to dance together. We took our pictures, said all the right things, and left that day on a tiny pedestal we'd created for ourselves.
It's been one month since that day. My mother has hurt me in ways I could never have imagined, but in such a way that I am not surprised. The spite of her actions has caused me to distance myself further from her and lost complete faith and respect in her. How could you do that to your child, who is getting married, during a pandemic, to the love of her life? How could she behave in such a way that pushes me away?
I feel like my entire being has been ripped open and continue to be pulled apart. My family showed their true colors - that their feelings and thoughts were more important than me and how in the world I'd been dealing with this situation. My mother-of-the-bride forgot how to be a mom. My proud father threw a tantrum when we wouldn't let anyone else besides us speak on the day. My brother spat in my face a week before the wedding saying that he didn't give a shit about my feelings and he was going to do whatever he wanted. My sisters were physically there in spirit but not in strength. I have been knocked so far down emotionally by my own family that I don't even know how I'll recover. Today, I have started to accept the fact that I will never get my wedding experience. It was not meant to be, and I will never get the bachelorette weekend as a single lady, never be able to walk down the aisle and have my future husband see me in the dress that I've been waiting to wear my entire life, never dance at my own wedding without any worry.
I did have a wedding. Everyone wore masks and gloves, kept their distance and the temperature of the wedding chilly. My husband and I suffocated through loose custom masks on the dance floor for those few precious minutes we got to dance together. We took our pictures, said all the right things, and left that day on a tiny pedestal we'd created for ourselves.
It's been one month since that day. My mother has hurt me in ways I could never have imagined, but in such a way that I am not surprised. The spite of her actions has caused me to distance myself further from her and lost complete faith and respect in her. How could you do that to your child, who is getting married, during a pandemic, to the love of her life? How could she behave in such a way that pushes me away?
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